Apologies for the delay in announcing this news, but we've relocated to the so far sunny, windy, snowy, hot and cold climes of Denver's southeastern suburbs.  (Today's forecast: Thundershowers.  Not kidding.) 

Not much time to post at the moment (there is a sea of boxes in the house), but I do need to mention the name of a business whose signage my daughters keep spotting and insist on shouting out while we're driving in order to startle me: Tuff Shed. 

Stay tuned for more updates!

My cousin Jamie pointed out the rather bawdy slogan of the nice little store in Pennsylvania where they bought a glass top for their coffee table: Best piece of glass in town.  All I can say is Bravo to John, Ron and Don — who says glass companies need to be boring?

From yesterday's Seattle Times: Downer Cow Buffet. 

That is all.

British Airways' truly misguided slogan for their Terminal 5 opening is depicted here, in a pretty sorry state of repair for Day 1:

                            

Yes, it's day 13 of the Heathrow Terminal 5 baggage debacle, and we have yet to receive our luggage nor hear any word from British as to its location.  Know where to go?  I'll tell them where.

Spend more time with your family . . . during the reboots!

I guess I could say I'll stop when I stop having reasons to create new slogans for Vista.

Today I literally said to my eldest, "I'll come up to make your oatmeal — I have plenty of time: I'm rebooting."   

Pimple Pants?  Teen Troubles Trousers?  Blemish Booty?  No, it's Acne Jeans, a brand prominently featured at Le Bon Marche here in Paris.  

                                                                            

According to the Acne Jeans website, Acne is a creative fashion collective located in Stockholm that has created its own clothing line.  I'm happy for them if it works, but somehow I think it wouldn't go over so big in the US and A.  Sitting down and relaxing in my Acne Jeans with a nice glass of Bubo?  Non, merci.

And while we're on vacation, let me just add that I think I've got a new slogan for British Airways: "Making US Airways look competent."  We're still waiting for our luggage — from our arrival on Thursday.  Many thanks to the wonderfully helpful staff at the Du Pareil au Meme  boutiques on the rue St. Placide, without whom our children would not be nearly as well clothed and shod as they are now.

But enough of my yakking.  I believe it's time for an aperitif.  A bientot.

Stop the presses! Marty sez that The History Channel has dropped "The" and "Channel" to become "History."  Apart from some not insignificant problems immediately apparent to trademark attorneys, I can't help wondering how many marketing geniuses were retained, and how many dollars spent, in order to amputate those words from an already weak, albeit recognizable, brand.

And it doesn't happen that often, I assure you.  Mr. Levy called me this afternoon to report a shocking slogan sighting — a truck bearing the slogan "Seattle Tool: What's In Your Box?"

That is all.

Not at all trademark related, but we were poking around for souvenirs at the airport in Denver (which my husband swears is in Kansas, since it feels like it's so damn far from anything).  The littlest Levy wanted a personalized sheriff's badge for her best friend — why not?  Well, I'll tell you why: No girls' names on the badges.  Boo hiss.  Get with the new millennium, guys.

Now, in trademark-related news, more tribute to the value of trademarks: Sweden's largest state-run pharmacy, Apoteket, will begin selling sex toys in its stores to meet customer demand.  Apoteket's spokeswoman said, "We want to have a broad perspective on health, and people would prefer to buy these items in Apoteket than online or in some other shop. We are seen as good trademarks that can guarantee quality."  I would certainly expect the highest level of quality from such a brand, because I grew up during the heyday of controversy over Swedish sex films like I Am Curious (Yellow) and I therefore reflexively connect Sweden with sexual health and openness.

Skal!  (h/t Pandagon)

Crystal Mountain was our destination this weekend, to watch the littlest Levy compete in the Cherry Tree Charge ski race.  The sun finally came out enough to provide a much-needed infusion of Vitamin D, and we all cheered on our family's Picabo:

                                            
                                
                                (c) 2008 Marc Levy

And because my mind always turns to trademarks and their why and how, I found myself wondering how the heck RIDE Snowboards ever got RIDE registered for snowboards and associated gear.  Isn't a ride what you take on a snowboard (dude)?  Well, it looks like this may be one of those cases where the PTO wasn't all that savvy when the RIDE trademark application was filed back in 1992 (wow!  The year I first took to the slopes, albeit on skis!) and the mark may have just seemed suggestive to them at the time.  It looks like Ride (now owned by K2) has been pretty restrained about challenging other marks incorporating the term "ride" in the same or related fields, which is probably how the mark became incontestable.  I am not at all sure the mark would be registrable today as I think the PTO could more easily find out its descriptive nature than it could back in 1992.  I also wonder if a newcomer to the sport today might view the word RIDE emblazoned on a snowboard as a slogan or exhortation, rather than a source of origin.  The perils of descriptive marks, as I always say.

Why rush?

Preemptive multitasking is so 20th century.

You didn't have anything else to do today, did you?

The circle that mesmerizes.

How long did you want to sit on your ass today?

When you really, really, really, really, really, really do want to log off.

The complications of digital with the speed of analog.

Now in both Compatibility and Incompatibility modes!

Oh . . . you wanted to save that?

And the theme songs, of course:

Driven to Tears

Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of

We Have All the Time in the World

Yes, it's been a bad few days with my operating system, and maybe it just needs a little nap.  We'll just power down for a little while and hope we feel better when (if?) we wake up. 

(And no, I'm not giving up the day job to create slogans.  Being a critic is hard work enough!)

And not one that requires antibiotics or leeches, mind you.  No, this latest recalls the perhaps apocryphal story of Chevrolet trying to market its Nova in Spanish-speaking countries only to find that "no va" means "it doesn't work."

Let me set the scene — a virtual stroll through Sephora was in order today since I had recently received a tantalizing email from them.  I was looking for a new mascara, as my Diorshow was running out, but I'm not all that brand-loyal.  Looking through the list of new products, I was struck by the name of this brand — Imju.

How do you pronounce that, I asked myself?  Like "I'm Jew"?  (You know, "not did you eat, but Jew eat?")  The company's owner says the term is pronounced ee-myoo, but you just can't assume it will be pronounced like that in the real world.  It's reasonable to assume that customers may mispronounce it as "I'm Jew."  Sephora says that Imju is one of Japan's leading cosmetic brands, and so I can see how they may not have anticipated the line's being exported to the US when they selected the name, and didn't want to change for the US market despite its possible reception here.  I would certainly have counseled them as to that potential concern, and I might have advised changing the mark for the US market.

Sometimes, though, a neurotic trademark practitioner (i.e., yours truly) can overthink things.  Product reviews for the Imju Fiberwig mascara product are almost uniformly raves.  And I didn't read about any concern over pronunciation.  So while the name is a bit disconcerting and won't be winning the coveted Alt-0174 any day soon, since it doesn't evoke any infectious diseases, I'll give it a pass.

So I happened upon a bottle of Bubo Pinot Grigio today, and recoiled in horror. Hmm, I thought to myself, doesn’t "bubo" mean suppurating (not Super 8-ing) wound or something like that? I checked the bottle, where the anodyne copy explained that "bubo" is Latin for "owl."

I didn’t buy it, literally or figuratively. So after numerous fruitless circuits around Whole Foods,¹ I took my bag of groceries home (meatloaf tonight, if you’re curious) and ran to my trusty New Oxford American Dictionary.² And indeed, I was pretty damn close: It’s "a swollen, inflamed lymph node in the armpit or groin."

So I’m just wondering about the thought process that led to the selection of Bubo as the name for wine. Was a Latin dictionary the only one handy that day? Did no one check to see if the word had any meaning in English? I just ran it through Google and the very first hit was to the Wikipedia entry, which link you don’t even need to click on to see immediately that it means "a swelling of the lymph nodes, found in an infection such as bubonic plague, gonorrhea, tuberculosis or syphilis." L'chaim indeed!  Makes the cat pee aroma identified as a characteristic of certain sauvignon blancs sound positively enticing! 

Listen, your product name can have a suggestive and evocative meaning in a dead language, and on that basis make a great trademark, but that's all worth nothing if the mark means something completely disgusting in English.

Bottom line for me is that if you’re offering me a cool glass of Bubo,³ I think I’m going to pass.


—————-

¹ Here I’m being literal. We live in the goddamn apple capital of the world, yet apples cost, at a minimum in this area, $1.99/lb. And then they supersize the damn things so each apple is three quarters of a pound. And the organic ones? A cool $2.99/lb. I’ll go to Costco, thanks.

²Skillfully edited, of course, by Erin McKean.

³I long ago prosecuted a trademark application for the mark MONKEY RIVER for soft drinks, and had nightmares about what the phrase "a nice cold Monkey River" might mean.

Exhibit A: Musical group Cracker.

Exhibit B: Musical performer Uncle Kracker.

Apparently they can and do coexist.

Discuss.²

 

¹Witco Chem. Co. v. Whitfield Chem. Co., 418 F.2d 1403, 1405, 164 U.S.P.Q. 43, 44-45 (C.C.P.A. 1969), aff’g 153 U.S.P.Q. 412 (T.T.A.B. 1967)

²Why the heck, you ask?  I saw a song by Cracker on XM Radio and my mind just started whirring . . .

Hey, Ford — Marc Randazza points out what a great job you've done dissing faithful customers.  I'm sorry, distributing — or even selling — a calendar with pictures of club members and their beloved black Ford Mustangs is either outright fair use or the type of goodwill-generating use that Ford should be grateful for with the US auto industry tanking. 

And Mike Atkins highlights Western Washington's favorite trademark bully, the US Olympic Committee, and its ludicrous request that the Olympic Cellars Winery not sell wine to people who live outside Western Washington who have not visited the winery.  I'm sorry, these folks have been using "Olympic" in their name for 15 years, with full knowledge since 1999 by the USOC, when they gave the winery permission to use the www.olympiccellars.com URL.  That's what I call both laches and acquiescence.  According to the USOC's website, the USOC is "accountable to the American people and Congress."  Oh really?  Then stop wasting our money and hurting small businesses in Western Washington!

Plus, Olympic Cellars has some of the coolest wine brands under its Working Girl Wine Series: Go Girl Red, Rose the Riveter, Working Girl White, and Handyman Red.  I applaud their accomplishments and their resolve.  You go, girls!

I foresee a cooperative marketing opportunity between Gene Simmons and Procter & Gamble, what with P&G's "It's love at first pump" slogan for Dawn Direct Foam and the goods in Simmons' trademark application for ZIPPER.

And when you do click on that application link, tell me how the goods identified are consistent with Gene's statement on the website for the A&E television series Gene Simmons Family Jewels that Gene has "always attributed his ethics, morals and drive to his mother's notion's [sic] about life," would you?  Is she really shepping nachas from this?

And from a more practical marketing-related perspective, paper dolls and life sized dolls used in sexual activity?  And coloring books too?  Interesting business model, I gotta say.

Hat tip to Nancy Friedman.

Did the folks at P&G not hear themselves when they came up with their new slogan, "It's love at first pump"?

Surely they jest.  Because everyone is likely to confuse whipped topping and coffee creamer with prosecco whose spokesmodel is Paris Hilton, the owner of the Rich's coffee creamer marks filed an opposition in the TTAB to the registration of RICH for "sparkling wine and champagne [sic]."  If you're filing an opposition with such a weak 2(d) basis and don't even bother to stick in a dilution claim, you're not even going to garner pity publicity, so your tree falling in the woods?  I can't hear it.  (It seems from a cursory review of the Hilton Buzz blog, that if the news item doesn't appear on this blog, it doesn't rate.)

Meanwhile, poor Paris gets tsorres coming and going, as apparently the Italians don't even like the product being called prosecco, as it apparently contains fruit juice. 

I think the name RICH for a sparkling wine-style beverage is actually just fine — the market that it's aimed at will view the mark as suggestive of the lifestyle of its spokesmodel, and not descriptive of the properties of the product itself, even though the term can be used to describe wines.  Indeed, I think that with the ubiquitous Ms. Hilton hawking it, any possible descriptive aspects the mark could convey just vanish in the face of bling, glitz, and spotlights.

The New York Times has some outstanding names for its blogs.  I was familiar with The Pour, Eric Asimov's delightful wine blog, and with DealBook, its M&A blog — but the Alt-0174 award must go to Paper Cuts, its "blog about books."  I cannot believe this has been around since May and I hadn't noticed.  As a compulsive reader (no really, six books this week) and blog reader, I will add it to my daily routine.

And of course, the clever wordplay of the title reminds me of the title of this blog, for which I am eternally indebted to VC law goddess Suzie D.

"Hey, let's just call it what it is: Makeup Forever."   "No, that just doesn't say it as directly as we want.  How about Amazingcosmetics?  Because they are, right?" 

Boy, these make Fresh look distinctive as all get-out.

What can I say, another stroll through Sephora.  Didn't spend a penny, but gained insight.